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33 Ways to Prevent Sexual Assault

A guide for potential victims

Trigger warning: This post contains extreme sarcasm. My intent is not to make light of sexual assault but rather to call out the myriad of ways our society blames victims.

1. Dress conservatively.

2. Always be on the lookout wherever you go for potential perpetrators. Scan a room and make sure it’s safe before sitting down.

3. Always face the door wherever you are so you can escape quickly.

4. Watch your drink at all times.

5. Actually don’t drink anything so you can’t get drugged.

6. Especially don’t drink alcohol. You need to be sober at all times.


7. Don’t be flirtatious in anyway towards anybody.


8. Practice extreme caution when smiling at others as this potentially could be perceived as flirtation.

9. Take self-defense classes. This way if anyone ever walks too close, acts overly nice to you, or gives you a “perpy”-eye you can kick their ass!

10. Don’t consent to ANY sexual behavior unless you want to consent to ALL sexual behavior.

11. If you notice one red flag kick them in the crotch and run away. Never talk to them again.

12. Don’t ever just spend time together with just one other person – always go out in groups.

13. NEVER walk alone!

14. Do not go out at night.


15. Never go running in the early morning.


16. Do NOT get in the car. With anyone. Ever.

17. Don’t date someone alone, always bring a friend. Consider polyamory.

18. Don’t go into someone’s house alone.

19. Remember: you can never really know someone.

20. If they are nice to you, they are just trying to manipulate you. Run as fast as you can.

21. If they are mean to you, they are probably a perpetrator and you should run away.

22. Don’t go to college. Just don’t.

23. Don’t ever allow someone to have authority over you. Be your own boss. Be your own teacher. Be your own President.

24. Don’t date people.

25. Do not be young, old, or middle-aged.

26. Do NOT have an intellectual disability as you’ll be 7 times more likely than others to be assaulted.

27. Do NOT be a woman and earn less than $7,500 a year as you will be 6 times more likely to be assaulted than a woman making over $75,000.


28. Absolutely do not become a homeless mother as your lifetime chance of experiencing an assault is 92%


29. Actually it’s best not to be a woman because your chance of experiencing a sexual assault is about 44%.

30. And do not be a man because your chance is somewhere around 24%

31. Also, do not be transgender because you have a high chance of being sexual assaulted: around 47%

32. Do NOT be a trans POC because your lifetime chance of being assaulted is 53-65%.*

33. For the love of God, never ever spend time with a wealthy, white, teenaged, cis-boy.

Ok, that completes my bullshit list of ways to prevent sexual assault. As a reader of this post you now are responsible (and actually always have been) for completely keeping yourself safe in all situations. If you fail at any one of these items you are at great risk of being blamed for your own victimization.

* All statistics come from JaneDoe.org: http://www.janedoe.org/site/assets/docs/Learn_More/2019_SV_Fact_Sheet.pdf

Survivors: please remember it is NEVER your fault. It doesn’t matter if you were drunk, noticed some red flags, or were running down the street naked and alone at night. We do not own responsibility for other people’s behavior. Ever.

If you have experienced sexual assault and live in the Boston area, please feel free to contact me for a free phone consultation to see if we might be a good fit for one another. You do not have to survive this alone.